


Deep Breaths

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Based on a True Story, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I just love the polysquad, Idk when John's mom died, John's dad was shit, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Poor John, historical innacuracy, lafayette is nonbinary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:56:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9417446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: John spirals into some unhappy memories of his father. But never fear, the polysquad is here to help!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning:Abuse, panic attacks, and some blood. Read at your own risk.

John was busy washing the dishes, minding his own business and listening to Candy Store. It was his turn to wash the dishes as everyone else was doing their fair share of chores. Herc was down in the laundry room, Laf was making the beds and cleaning the living room, and poor Alex took on cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, and sorting Laf's shoe collection. That man was insane, and that's what John loved about him.

He was scrubbing away at a particularly stubborn dish when he dropped it due to his soapy hands and distracted thoughts. As soon as it hit the floor it shattered, and John fell into a deep, dark place in his mind, with memories he had tried so hard to forget and get rid of. 

He had just turned 5, when his dad stomped into the room, looking teary eyed and distraught, but also partially angry. The look he had on his face scared John, wasn't dad supposed to be big and strong? Why did he look like he is going to cry? Tentatively, John asked about what had happened, and he wasn't expecting the answer he got.

"Just shut up you ungrateful little shit, I don't know why your mother ever loved you in the first place you worthless brat."

Sad and confused, John almost burst into tears, not knowing why all of a sudden his dad was being so mean. What happened to his nice dad? Later that day John would learn that his mother passed on, starting a long chain of abuse.

He was 7, and dodging numerous plates being thrown at him, due to his father's drunken rage. He continously avoided the plates all while being told how much of a worthless peice of trash he was. One carefully aimed throw managed to hit his back, the plate shattering and cutting him in the process. Seemingly satisfied, his father stormed off. It was that night when John learned to tend to his own wounds, picking glass out of his back and bandaging the wounds.

He was now 11, and was being locked into the closet. He didn't know why, or what he did wrong to be thrown in there. All he remembers was being hungry, cold, and scared for hours, maybe even days, before his dad slammed the door open and threw him out, not bothering to say a word to him. He quickly ran to his little sister's room to see if she was alright, and thank the gods she was. John cried himself to sleep that night, wondering when all of this would end.

He was then 16, being pinned to the ground by his neck, cutting off his air supply, by his own father. He had just come out as gay, and Henry didn't approve of that. His vision was getting murky as he thought about his siblings and how they needed him, and managed to throw his father off of him and knock him out with a copy of the Bible laying around. He quickly gathered his siblings and a couple of their possesions, and ran out the door, not knowing what he was going to do, or where he was going to go. All he knew was that he had to get out of there, and fast.

Then it was dark. He could vaguely hear someone telling, more like yelling, at him to breathe. He then realized he wasn't breathing and quickly took a shaky breathe in. The disembodied voice started to count to him in Spanish and John paced his breathing to the sound of the voice. He felt someone wipe away the tears on his cheeks, wait, when did he start crying? John then decided to slowly open his eyes. 

He saw three very worried faces looking back at him. Alex was the first to speak, as always.

"Oh god, John are you OK?"

John tried to talk but nothing came out, it was like his voice left him, everytime he tried to speak he came out dry, almost sending him into another panic attack.

Alex quickly notices this and shook his head.

"John, breath, it's ok. You don't have to talk. Nod your head for yes and shake your head for no, OK? I promise no one here is mad at you. Do you understand?"

Slowly but surely, John managed to nod his head, albeit doubtful.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

John quickly shook his head, regretting that desicion as it left him dizzy and sick.

"N-no...tired...w-want sleep."

He wasn't sure how they would react to this, would they hate him? Would they hit him? Oh god what has he done he's bad they'llhatemewhathaveIdoneohgodI'mamista- but John's thoughts were soon cut off as he felt himself being handed to a much larger pair of arms, rougher, yet gentle.

"Shh, it's ok, we can talk about it tommorrow, OK? You are in no rush, we love you more than anything in this life, OK? We would never hurt you, not even if the world depended on it."

John quickly recognized the deep, sweet sounding voice that Hercules owned and burrowed deeper into him, smelling the familiar, cinnamon aroma from the soap he uses.

"Oui, you are in no rush to explain what you saw, OK mon ami? There are no words to express how much we love you."

John knew Laf's undeniable French accent and felt himself relax, Laf would always help calm John down. He felt himself be softly placed on their familiar bed, before feeling someone cuddling up to him.

It had to be Alex, the body was far to small and soft to be anyone else. The smell of lavender and ink filled his head, and he closed his eyes.

"It's ok, I'm here. I will be there for you forever. You don't need to be scared anymore. I love you so much, you are so important to me honey."

He curled into Alex upon hearing those words, and quickly let his exahsted body succumb to sleep, feeling protected and safe.

**Author's Note:**

> This felt really good to get off my chest. You see, everything that happened to John in his flashbacks happened to me. Well, not the death. My mom is still alive and well, thank goodness. I love her with all my heart, unlikE my dad.
> 
> I wrote this because I am in one of my moods where I am more prone to panic attacks and flashbacks. Writing this down helps me get rid of a chunk of it, and makes me feel like I am actually talking to someone. 
> 
> So Yea, I apologise for pushing my problems onto you in the form of a shitty fanfic.  
>  
> 
> _Your Obedient Servent_
> 
>  
> 
> _~Abi~_


End file.
